the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just had sex bonerless
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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