Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
