if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
