Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
