the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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