Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
