Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
