you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
