Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
