Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
