I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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