so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
