I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
