i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
