community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
