you told grandpa to call you daddy
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
