Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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