apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
