A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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