I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
