I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
