I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
