nut hugger
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
