I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
