Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
