Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
