I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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