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he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
