i just had sex bonerless
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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