Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
