Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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