i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
