is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
a search helicopter?!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
