Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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