You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
