So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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