She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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