Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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