the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize