I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
