who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
