he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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