Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
