idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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