How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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