I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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