When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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