She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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