In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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