would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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