What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
