Just fell off a train. Bad.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
