I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
