Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize