We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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