Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There r osticjed everywhere
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
