Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You ate ashes out of my bong
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize