FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
