I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
