sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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