i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
