Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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