Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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