We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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