i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
