so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
