There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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